Today once herald the begining of the greatest memories i have ever had. the begining of the first time i would be truly happy for the first time in my life. the memories of those who were close to me saying for the first time in my life. "i have never seen you so happy" mother, father, brother and those who have known me most of my life. all have known of the issues i once had growing up. the self hate, and feelings of not being good enough. they have all known that i have had high standards in my life and had watch as no one fit into them. this marked the day that i found the one who did. Today was once the day that i took that final chance, the one that i kept from doing for so long in my life due to the events that lead up to it. but i kept my head up and took that step into the unknown and found one of the greatest things that i was looking for in my life.

today marked the day that i would first cry just by looking at someone, knowing my love and it falling forth without restraint. the greatest moments of my life only last a few months but they seemed like a life time of happiness while they were there. sleeping and waking with a smile, the sigh of content. never had before but at least had once. if these are the moment that i have to hold for the rest of my life, than so be it. i will hold them with a quivering smile. not of sadness but for knowledge and understanding that my dreams were not to high to reach. my standards not too high, it is possible and i had them for a time.

today now marks another time. i dont hate myself anymore, i dont doubt myself. i dont doubt abilities, i know what i can do. i know who i am. weather the world wants that or not it does not bother me anymore. I am who i am... i just AM. though i wise it was not alone i know i can live that way.

ill hold the memories, wishing for more, and hold a smile on the corner of my mouth, hidden but there. no more masks, just me as i am.